The Threshold

After surgery, my body went into shock, and I did not do very well. I struggled hard for a while. There came a point where my body simply could not sustain me any longer. It was as though it finally said goodbye and released me.

People have asked me over the years, “What was it like?”

The best way I know how to answer is through the language of Scripture itself. In the wisdom literature of the Old Testament — the Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes — the soul and human life are described as a flower that blooms for a moment and then fades. Other passages describe us as a vapor, a breath, a little cloud of smoke that appears briefly and then passes away.

That second image is closer to what I experienced.

As my body was transitioning into death, my perspective suddenly changed. I began seeing from outside myself. I could see my body lying there in the bed, and I could sense that release taking place. The soul leaves in a way that is difficult to explain — almost like a little puff of smoke rising from the body. Yet it is not shapeless. It is you. Human in form, but light, almost vapor-like, moving and swirling until it settles into awareness.

Then suddenly, there I was, looking at myself lying in the bed below.

My wife was there, terrified and deeply concerned, while at the same time the screaming and pain inside me had stopped. I had left my body completely. I was above, near the ceiling, looking downward at everything below me.

And then came the final farewell.

The ceiling opened, and I was received upward into what I can only describe as the universe itself. It was not complete darkness, and it was not complete light either. It was something in between — vast, open, alive with presence. There was light there, but not like earthly light. It is difficult to describe with human language.

For the first time, I stood at a threshold beyond the limits of ordinary human experience.

There was no more pain. No suffering. Instead, there was peace — a peace so deep and complete that it cannot really be compared to anything on earth.

What also overwhelmed me was awareness.

Every sense became heightened beyond imagination. Every movement, every presence, every reality around me was perceived with astonishing clarity. It was as though the soul suddenly awakens fully once freed from the limitations of the body.

And then came the great humility of it all.

You suddenly realize that what you thought you understood about existence, reality, life, even yourself — you really know almost nothing at all. That awareness is deeply humbling. Completely humbling.

In that moment, I understood how small we are, and yet how deeply held we are within a reality far greater than ourselves.

And strangely, there was no fear in that realization.

Only peace.

I will leave it there for now.

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© Deacon Rudy Calsoncin Published by Prayer On Canvas Christian Foundationwww.PrayerOnCanvas.com